The list

Since we usually do our big weekly grocery shopping trip on Saturdays, it has been easy for us just to buy Aunt Mae’s groceries at the same time. She usually calls on Saturday morning to give us the list.

As you may have guessed from other things I’ve written, Aunt Mae is not only an incredible cook, but also downright hillarious. So, getting the list is, like most things we do with her, usually quite entertaining.

The list usually starts out small, with about five items (of course, as you’ll see, an “item” might be something like “twenty boxes of pudding”). After that, she’ll say “that should do it, honey … oh, except for…”, and then she’ll add a few more items. Then, “I think that’s it, except for…”, and add a few more. After shopping, we usually find that our grocery cart is two-thirds Aunt Mae.

Not only do we get the list of items she needs, but also a small story about each. For example, last weekend, she needed four packages of cream cheese. Three of them were for the cheesecake that she was going to make when so-and-so came over this week. And by the way, did you know that so-and-so’s daughter and her family are doing well? They live in this-place-or-that now, and she hasn’t really seen them since they were in visiting so-and-so. The other box is for bagels, of which she still has plenty. She didn’t eat many last week, because she wasn’t in the mood for bagels. She did eat quite a few Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, though, you know.

Oh, and did you know that so-and-so is other-so-and-so’s cousin?

“That should do it, honey … oh, except for…”

Do people even read the grocery store fliers anymore? You know, the ones that list all the stuff the store has on sale for which you don’t even need a coupon? Aunt Mae does.

When there are big specials, like twenty boxes of cook-and-serve pudding for $10, she gets twenty. Do people these days even know what to do with twenty boxes of cook-and-serve pudding? Or twenty boxes of anything, for that matter? Aunt Mae does.

Last week, she noticed that hams were on sale. Not ham, like coldcuts, or slices of ham, but hams. She wanted a fourteen pound ham. The smallest I could find was a fifteen pounder, which was fine with her. Do people these days even know what to do with a fifteen pound ham? Aunt Mae does.

God bless you, Aunt Mae.